Re-connect, Re-build and Grow
Does it seem like there is more conflict than ever lately? A part of you knows that you are with a good person… but another part of you is just so pissed off.. how can they keep doing this? Is this ever going to get better? This is starting to impact every area of your life… some days you can barely concentrate on work. Creating a healthy, long-term relationship where you deeply love your partner doesn’t happen by accident, it takes intentional efforts from both members of the couple. Relationships are like working out, you do not turn into a body builder after your first workout and you are not going to have all your relationship problems solved by the end of your first couples counseling session. It takes practice, as well as, consistent effort and energy so that today you will be better then yesterday and tomorrow you will be better then today.
Is your Relationship feel more Logistical then Loving?
The carpooling, the bill paying, the house cleaning. The many hours spent cooking meals or looking for food in the fridge that is not there. Now you need to either go to the grocery store or go out to eat, and eating out is expensive. Helping your kids with their homework, then fighting with your kids about homework. Worrying whether your kids are going to the right school or hanging out with the good kids. Setting up playdates, trying to make new parent friends all while trying to keep in touch with your old friends. Work stress bleeds into your home life. Your cell phone has become a personal wall and your escape from your life and partner. The only time you and your partner talk is when discussing these logistics, and the talking often leads to a conflict. Who is doing more, who has more stress. How much sex you are NOT having, how little you connect emotionally. Who remembers the calendar better and who has the better parenting style. The fight escalates, you are repeating yourself and finally you walk away or go to bed. What if instead you said something like, “I miss you, why don’t we skip the kids game and go to dinner?” If you have a desire to make that statement, then we are here to help.
Our therapist can’t take away the business side of your relationship, but we will help you communicate about it better. Providing you with better ways to manage conflict around these issues is one of our main goals. We do this by teaching you when to recognize flooding in yourself and by helping you learn how to ask for what you need in a healthy and effective way. You will learn skills to better compromise when differences arise instead of fighting every battle just to win. In order for these tools to be effective, you will need to increase the amount of positive experiences you are having with your partner. We encourage daily conversations, date nights, dream talking, giving appreciates, being affectionate and giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
Couple’s Counseling isn’t about judging or dissecting your relationship- it is about each of you learning how to love the other person better so you can both be happier in your day-to-day life and get through the tough stuff along side each other- instead of fighting against each other. Many couples have trouble with communication and conflict management. You will be given tools to avoid letting these issues go on and on. We will help you learn to process and communicate about conflict. Our clinicians provide couples counseling in South Lake Union and Laurelhurst, Seattle, WA.
Did you know that couples typically wait an average of 6 to 7 years to start couples counseling? This statistic is unfortunate. We see how much harder it is for couples to turn toward one another after so much time has past. Especially while living in a very negative communication cycle.
If you answer yes to any of the questions below then Couples Counseling is the right decision for you!
- Does your relationship need a tune up?
- Are you and your partner living like roommates instead of romantic partners and friends?
- Do you find that your fights come out of nowhere and they happen often?
- Is the humor in your relationship starting to fade or gone completely?
- Do you think that your partner speaks to you in a “tone”?
- Have you and your partner stopped working on the 3 A’s (appreciation, affection and admiration)?
- Is your sex life unsatisfying or non existent? Does talking about sex with your partner lead to fights?
- Do you spend more time with your handheld device then you spend with your partner?
- Are you living in denial and believe that things will just get better with time on their own?
Couples Counseling will help you:
- Increase affection, respect and closeness
- Keep conflict discussion calm by communicating in a way that does not include an attack/defend pattern.
- Generate greater understanding between partners as you learn to listen to each others perspective and validate that perspective.
- Break through and resolve conflict when you feel stuck
- Manage the conflict and challenges a new baby brings
- Rebuild trust, respect and love after an affair
- Discuss sex: quality and quantity. As well as differences in desire
- Work through differences in parenting style
- Develop rituals of closeness and affection
- Give and respond to each others bids for connection by turning toward each other.
If you are noticing emotional disconnection and an inability to get through a conflict, then please reach out. It could be what gets your marriage back on track. If you are committed, dedicated and willing to put in the work necessary to begin healing and prioritizing you relationship, then we can be of help.